onsdag 3 december 2014

More or less stopped blogging and Dorothy Allison - "The Women who hate ME"


Okay, so I'm more or less not blogging anymore and if I will blog it will be sporadically... I want to concentrate and focus my energy on specific long term analytical and/or literary projects as much as possible and dig deep as I can, and blogging several times a week can get in the the way of that. I still post things quite often on my Facebook, so you are free to follow me there. I know i know, Facebook is quite horrible, but it is the only social media account I have and i don't have a smart phone etc. etc. But anyways, wanted to post this beautiful poem by Dorothy Aliison, that she wrote in the aftermath of The Barnard Conference, often discussed in the context of the feminist sex wars. READ THIS!!!!

The Women Who Hate Me
1.
The women who do not know me.
The women who, not knowing me, hate me
mark my life, rise in my dreams and shake their loose hair
throw out their thin wrists, narrow their already sharp eyes
say Who do you think you are?
Lazy, useless, cuntsucking, scared, stupid
What you scared of anyway?
Their eyes, their hands, their voices.
Terrifying.
The women who hate me cut me
as men can’t. Men don’t count.
I can handle men. Never expected better
of any man anyway.
But the women,
shallow-cheeked young girls the world was made for
safe little girls who think nothing of bravado
who never got over by playing it tough.
What do they know of my fear
What do they know of the women in my body?
My weakening hips, sharp good teeth,
angry nightmares, scarred cheeks,
fat thighs, fat everything. 
Don’t smile too wide. You look like a fool.
Don’t want too much. You ain’t gonna get it.
Ain’t gonna get it.
Goddamn.
Say goddamn and kick somebody’s ass
that I am not even half what I should be
full of terrified angry bravado.
BRAVADO.
The women who hate me
don’t know
can’t imagine
life-saving, precious bravado.
2.
God on their right shoulder
righteousness on their left,
the women who hate me never use words
like hate speak instead of nature
of the spirit not housed in the flesh
as if my body, a temple of sin,
didn’t mirror their own.
Their measured careful words echo
earlier coarser stuff say
What do you think you’re doing?
Who do you think you are? 
Whitetrash
no-count
bastard
mean-eyed
garbage-mouth
cuntsucker
cuntsucker
no good to anybody, never did diddlyshit anyway
You figured out yet who you ain’t gonna be? 
The women who hate me hate
their insistent desires, their fat lusts
swallowed and hidden, disciplined to nothing
narrowed to bone and dry hot dreams.
The women who hate me deny
hunger and appetite,
the cream delight
of a scream
that arches the thighs and fills
the mouth with singing.
3.
Something hides here
a secret thing shameful and complicated.
Something hides in a tight mouth
a life too easily rendered
a childhood of inappropriate longing
a girl’s desire to grow into a man
a boyish desire to stretch and sweat.
Every three years I discover again
that no, I knew nothing before.
Everything must be dragged out,
looked over again.
The unexamined life is the lie, but still
must I every time deny
everything I knew before?
 4.
My older sister tells me flatly
she don’t care who I take to my bed
what I do there
Tells me finally
she sees no difference between
her husbands, my lovers.
 Behind it all
we are too much the same to deny.

My little sister thinks my older crazy
thinks me sick
more shameful to be queer than crazy
as if her years hustling ass,
her pitiful junky whiteboy
saved through methadone and marriage, all that
asslicking interspersed with asskicking,
all those pragmatic family skills we share mean nothing
measured against the little difference
of who and what I am.
My little sister too
is one of the women who hate me.

5.

I measure it differently, what’s shared,
what’s denied, what no one wants recognized.
My first lover’s skill at mystery,
how one day she was there, the next gone;
the woman with whom I lived for eight years
but slept with less than one;
the lover who tied me to the foot of her bed
when I didn’t really want that
but didn’t really know
what else I could get.
What else can I get?
Must I rewrite my life
edit it down to a parable where everything
turns out for the best?
But then what would I do with the lovers
too powerful to disappear the women
too hard to melt to soft stuff?
Now that I know that soft stuff
was never where I wanted to put my hand.
6.
The women who hate me
hate too my older sister
with her many children, her weakness for
good whiskey, country music, bad men.
She says the thing women’s lib has given her
is a sense that she doesn’t have to stay too long
though she does
still she does
much too long.
7.
I am not so sure anymore of the difference.
I do not believe anymore in the natural superiority
of the lesbian, the difference between my sisters and me.
fact is, for all I tell my sisters
I turned out terrific at it myself:
sucking cunt, stroking ego, provoking,
manipulating, comforting, keeping.
Plotting my life around mothering
other women’s desperation
the way my sisters
build their lives
around their men.
Till I found myself sitting at the kitchen table
shattered glass, blood in my lap and her
the good one with her stern insistence
just standing there wanting me
to explain it to her save her from being
alone with herself.
Or that other one
another baby-butch wounded girl
How can any of us forget how wounded
any of us have to be to get that hard?
Never to forget that working class says nothing
does not say who she was how she was
fucking me helpless. Her hand on my arm
raising lust to my throat that lust
everyone says does not happen
though it goes on happening
all the time.
How can I speak of her, us, together?
Her touch drawing heat from my crotch to my face
her face, terrifying, wonderful
Me saying, “Yeah, goddamn it, yeah,
put it to me, ease me, fuck me, anything…”
till the one thing I refused
then back up against a wall
her rage ugly in the muscles of her neck
her fist swinging up to make a wind
a wind blowing back to my mama’s cheek
past my stepmother’s arm.
I ask myself over and over how I
came to be standing in such a wind?
How I came to be held up like my mama
with my jeans, my shoes locked in a drawer
and the woman I loved breathing on me,
“You bitch. You damned fool.”
“You want to try it?”
“You want to walk to Brooklyn
barefooted?”
“You want to try it
mothernaked?”
Which meant of course I had to decide
how naked I was willing to go where
Do I forget all that?
Deny all that?
Pretend I am not
my mama’s daughter
my sister’s mirror?
Pretend I have not
at least as much lust
in my life as pain?
Where then will I find the country
where women never wrong women
where we will sit knee to knee
finally listening
to the whole
naked truth
of our lives?
– Dorothy Allison,
The Women Who Hate ME. Poetry 1980-1990, Ithaca, NY, Firebrand, 1991

söndag 20 juli 2014

Prison rape, trans and femininities, many swedish feminists need to learn that harm reduction is better than criminalization (Read Angela Davis and learn why carceral feminism is BAD), lil'kim and bell hooks, and values are as important identity

Ok. I am writing about rape against mostly feminine faggots and transwomen in prison, an issue that NOBODY in Sweden ever-ever talks about so (the prison system is rarely criticised at all) I'm already angry and that's why it's time for a bit of a rant:

1. I am annoyed at how the word cis-men is sometimes spit out like a sort of all-encompassing term denoting privilege, besides the fact that thisignores intersectional power dynamics, let me just remind everybody that also flaming flamboyant feminine faggots (and quiet, shy femme-fags) often define as cis(sy)-males and they meet a great deal of gender based discrimination. In case this was news to you, NO, gender is not that simple...

2. The only two political parties in Sweden I entrust in any way are the Left Party (vänsterpartiet) and the Feminist Initiative (F!) - while I like (well, sort of at least, ehh) them both I faaaar from love them and every other week it varies which of them I am the most annoyed at. This week it is F!, for their drug politics. While the Left Party (V) are for the decriminalization of one's own consumption of drugs (well done and thank you for thinking outside of the swedish model "if we let people get clean syringes, they might start taking heroin!) F! wants the private consumption of drugs to remain criminalized. GREAT! JUST GREAT! *NOT* If somebody has problems with drug use they should get help, health care, rehab not punishment, fines or jail. And if somebody in a group overdoses one shouldn't be afraid to call the paramedics because it means risking getting punished. And by the way the people getting punished for drug use are not brats snorting cocaine at Stureplan, but racialized working class people. This has nothing to do with what beliefs one holds about drug use, it has to do with being in touch with reality and class issues, so Feminist Initiative (F!) PLEASE READ YOUR ANGELA DAVIS AND LEARN AND STOP THIS CARCERAL FEMINISM, THAT ALSO IS PART OF YOUR VIEW ON SEX WORK LEGISLATION, NOW!!!!

3. In today's debate i believe it is important to keep in mind that not everything lies in ones position/experiences/identity, quite a bit is also about ones values and solidarity - of course these things are often related to each other, but not always, and if we are too hell bent on one or the other NOTHING is going to change, we are going to be LOCKED!

If any of this has upset you, well, let me end with something FUN! we can always play a game of cow shit bingo by Ivösjön in Skåne. The game is about everyone placing a flag on a field and than waiting and whichever flag the cow shit's the closest to is the winner! May I add that there is also an island group in this lake called "The Cow Shits". The pure knowledge of the existence of these islands and this game makes my life just a little better 


And back to the atrocities of this world, some statistics on prison and prison rape in the USA, and there is little to no statistics or studies in Sweden (if anyone knows of anything please comment or contact me): 67 percent of all LGBT-people in male prisons in California are raped! The situation is the most dangerous for transfeminine people and feminine faggots placed in male prisons (transwomen are often placed in male prisons). 41 percent of all african american transpeople are imprisoned some time in their lifetime because of bias/profiling, 47 percent of all african american transpeople and 17 percent of all transpeople are imprisoned some time during their lifetime. The highest rates of incarceration are among trans women, followed by gender noncomforming and than trans men. Often no support is given to those raped in prison just the assumption that "faggots want this" and if they are given "support" it is often in the form of total isolation, which normally is considered a severe punishment. I'm not even gonna write down the quotes from people's personal stories here of people talking about being raped 5 times in an hour, being felt up by prison officers daily etc. etc. etc. AND statistics show that the actual number of rapes in prison in the US (circa 200 000) is nearly as large as the number of rapes outside of prison in the US (circa 250 000, 90 000 of which go reported)

Why the hell does this not have any affect on the discussion on rape in general and why the hell does anybody think that putting more rapists in prison has anything to do with less rapes in society, when obviously it means the exact opposite given the hyper-rape culture in prisons. I am writing about this issue at the moment for a book on rape-issues together with Anna Svensson that will be released in january and god damnit the way sexual assault is discussed today in Sweden is, besides the terrible trope of "a fate worse than death", so ignorant of intersectional power dynamics and rape beyond the gender-binary that it makes me sick to my stomach.



bell hooks and lil'kim in a very interesting interview from 1997 - many times agreeing, sometimes their perspectives clash and both of their perspectives have a point! "It's always folks who've never been on the streets, who have never known down-and-out-nowhere-to-go, who believe innocence can't be found there."

PS "I believe more in affinities than in influences" - Ingeborg Bachmann

lördag 28 juni 2014

Europa Europa och Asylstafetten

Hade igår förmånen att se förhandsgenrepet av kabaratén Europa Europa, se den om ni har chansen (1:a juli Visby, 15:e augusti Göteborg, 16:e augusti Malmö, 23:e augusti Stockholm, 30-31 augusti Stockholm)! Här en fantastisk intervju om den i feministiskt perspektiv - med följande viktiga citat från Nasim Aghili:

"– Jag vill inte göra något som har ”konstnärligt egenvärde”; det är politik rakt av, det vi håller på med. Vi har en jättetydlig agenda som vi inte kan kompromissa med för då kompromissar vi med människovärdet. När vi talar om att vi vill ha en nationsfri värld säger en del ”Blir inte det kaos?” Det kan inte bli mer kaos. Det är de som inte lever i dystopi som inte fattar. Människor dör, frihetsberövas, deporteras till länder de inte har varit i. Vi lever i den där politiska katastrofen och det måste vi tala om."

"– Välfärd går att dela. Men i dag är den villkorad på exploatering, bygger på roffande och krig. Men det finns ingen vilja att se orsak och verkan. Trots att Europa ställt till med så mycket så menar vi att vi får säga nej tack, gräns här."

OCH samtidigt som Europa Europa har premiär i Almedalen i Visby ankommer Asylstafetten till Visby - en vandring organiserad främst av människor med flyktingerfarenhet som äger rum för andra året i rad, förra året Malmö-Stockholm och i år från Malmö-Visby - för att sätta fokus på flyktingars och papperslösas situation! SÅ VIKTIG OCH BRA AKTIVISM!!!!

NO BORDERS NO NATIONS! STOP DEPORTATIONS!

tisdag 3 juni 2014

Performance 13th of June, Maleficent, high femmes for higher taxes, trans, Maya Angelou and the intersections between islamophobia and sexism

I know it's Disney, but I really want to see this film, when I was a child the vilianesses of Disney were amongst my most important sources of strength and Angelina Jolie seems to have gotten Maleficent totally right (and with Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman vibes) and I love how dark and beautiful the visual language of this film is - hopefully they will make a film about Ursula soon... Now back to painting my nails, which are shaped like claws, long sharp claws! Meow.


Detta hände i Göteborg i fredags: Inte varje dag en high femme-transperson (eller high femme-person oavsett könsidentitet för den delen) blir närmad på stan av en radiojournalist som undrar om dennes åsikt kring SKATTEPOLITIK (oftast när denne blir närmad på stan är det av män som vill något annat på s än skattepolitiska frågor, nämligen stirra, skratta, sexa eller slåss!) This high femme says: Från var och en efter förmåga till var och en efter behov. Gärna progressiva högre skatter!! HIGH FEMMES FOR HIGHER TAXES!

Performing at this lovely event at Södra Teatern in Stockholm on the 13th of June:


      R.I.P. Maya Angelou - was introduced to her wonderful work 10 years ago when I saw Fiona Apple's brave "Go with yourself/This world is bullshit"-acceptance speech at the MTV Awards and Fiona quoted her favorite poet Maya Angelou and yes, what a marvellous poet she was! xoxoxoxoxoxo2infinityandbeyond.

Mycket klokt och reflekterande text av Kian Sigge om trans inom gayrörelsen - t:et i hbtq! 

Viktig artikel om intersektionerna mellan islamofobi och sexism! 

fredag 23 maj 2014

Elfriede Jelinek, Elizabeth »Effy« Chorubczyk and These R The Thoughts

Ahh, check out the english language text's over at Elfriedejelinek.com!!! Sylvia Plath and Ingeborg Bachmann say: "Oh just settle down. It’s not like you’re pulling balls out Uranus, ripping rungs from the ladders of upward motility, those tubes teeming with sperm cells ready to jump at the chance to finally knock some fertility into us! And you’re certainly no Cronus shooting his wad to sea or up his mother’s twat or wherever, nor some fertile Crescent of primordial slime swimming with immortal flesh, and if there’s one act you can’t pull off it’s Aphrodite stepping out of the spindrift in her new bikini, strolling straightaway into the lightning storm. Not with that figure." And Jelinek's particular negative take on the theatre in "I want to be shallow": The meaning of theatre is to be without sense, but also to demonstrate the power of the directors to keep the machinery going. Only with his own importance can the director make the empty shopping bags glow--those sagging, leaking recepticles with more or less poetry in them. So, suddenly the meaningless has meaning! When Sir Director reaches into eternity and pulls out something wriggling. At that point he murders everything that was, and his production, although itself based on repetition, becomes the only thing that is allowed to exist.

Porträtt om Elizabeth "Effy" Chorubczyk, en helt otrolig konstnär och transaktivist som tog livet av sig nyligen! LÄS!!!!!!! 

PS Sometimes Alanis Morissette's lyrics are amazing and these particular ones have been following me for 10 years - These R The Thoughts

måndag 19 maj 2014

Midori Ito, Tonya Harding, Oksana Baiul - my favorite figure skaters!!! (And chen lu and surya bonaly)

Black swan Oksana Baiul - AMAZING ARTISTRY AND ICE PRESENCE - THE BEST ARTISTIC SKATER EVER!!



GOLD MEDAL!!!



Tonya Harding lands the triple axel and is SO HAPPY which makes me SO HAPPY:



MIDORI ITO, THE BEST JUMPER EVER!!!!




Misses the first triple axel attempt, but than lands it three minutes into the program. AMAZING!!!



Triple axel-TRIPLE TOE LOOP, OH MY GOD!!!



TONYA HARDINGS BEST TRIPLE AXEL:



LOVE THE MUSIC HERE:



Surya Bonaly, back flip with one foot landing into triple salchow!!:

söndag 18 maj 2014

Pyuupiru, Courtney Love, Patty Waters, Wendy Born, Megafonen, leftist wave in Europe, book project, music video, synchronized swimming, horrible gender fascism within athletics, third gender category in Gothenburg statistics!

Pyuupiru is an AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING trans artist from Japan - check out the photo series "selfportrait" presented here - it is one of the most amazing works of art I've ever seen 

Ulrika Dahl interviewed in this radio program (in swedish) about Courtney Love - SO WONDERFUL! And love this new music video, it's like a femme pirate ship:


Wonderful and important article in the magazine Brand (in swedish) on Wendy Brown's theories!


And so thankful to Diamanda Galás for introducing me to this amazing artist!


Och Det här kring friidrottsvärlden är SÅ sjukt. Förutom det som står i artikeln är det ju så att testosteronnivån varierar inom de olika könen och vissa cis-kvinnor har högre testosteronnivåer än vissa cis-män. Jag fattar ej hur detta kan vara en issue inom idrotten, en jätteknäpp (och felaktig) extremistbiologistisk syn på könsbinaritet.



Även om jag inte är ett fan av parlamentarism, så tycker jag att det är kul att det är en vänstervåg i Europa just nu!



On Friday I read from my book project at Konstfack, yesterday I was part of a music video for the artist Zhala, and today I am part of a synchronized swimming exhibition. SO EXCITED!! This sport is the closest I'm going to get to figure skating =)! 

måndag 12 maj 2014

Robert Hughes important documentary on capitalism and the art world "The Mona Lisa Curse"

AHHHHH, C-A-P-I-T-A-L-I-S-M M-U-S-T E-N-D, IT'S LIKE THE DEFINITION OF NIHILISM IN IT'S WORST FORM!!!!!!!!!!! AND THIS FILM EXPOSES IT SO WELL, BUT IT'S SCARY AS HELL! WATCH THIS!!

On Conchita Wurst, trans-issues, drag queens and solidarity and coalitions between different femininities - English and Swedish version

The difference between Mrs. Doubtfire och comedy sketches with heterosexual men in dresses and wigs and drag queen culture, is that within drag queen culture the act of drag is usually a way of expressing a part of one's own identity, which is why the recent critique against drag as something politically subversive (in this case directed at Conchita Wurst and her winning the Eurovision Song Contest) where a clear and defined line is drawn between “The role”, which is a woman and “the real person” which is a CIS-MAN (a term which insinuates that the person is as privileged as Robin Williams in the genderpower-system, even if a person who does drag in drag queen-culture, often is a sissy faggot) is deeply problematic. Since for example swedish political queer culture doesn't have much of a drag queen-movement (or gender variant femininity in any form for that matter) it isn't so surprising that this type of misunderstanding and critique is brought up, but it just made me so angry when I read a column in the quite often annoying swedish magazine “Nöjesguiden” (The entertainment guide) that in bold print “asks”: “Since when were drag queens discriminated against?”. And YES – it is horrible that most of mainstream media and many people do not understand the difference between drag queens and transwomen, but the problem must be focused on the cisheteronormative gaze NOT the drag queens and YES being transfeminine every day in one's life brings with it a larger stigma than being a drag queen at clubs and on stage (one can be a drag queen more often than that, Marsha P. Johnson defined herself as a drag queen for example, even if yes the term had a different context and meaning than and there, it was still what she defined herself as) I should know, since I am a gender variant femme every day and get a lot of shit for that, still that doesn't mean that stigma against stage drag queens is non-existant...

It is important to discuss how specific forms of discrimination effect different people with different positions in society, but parellell to this I hope than we can build alliances BETWEEN different femininities and staunchly defend everyone's right to gender self-determination and self-expression! And I believe that Conchita Wurst's drag is done in a very subversive way (the comments to articles in the news about Eurovision are filled with people expressing their anger, phobias, contempt and disgust) that questions binary understandings of gender and I know Conchita Wurst is empowering for many transpeople and other gender variant people who's beard growth makes them extra stigmatised, stared at and harassed in the streets because it is attached to what normative society deems to be the wrong body or the wrong gender expression.

Last but not least, one could write a whole thesis on how people in general can love a faggot, a dyke, a dragqueen or a transperson singing on stage, without it significantly effecting the contempt and discrimination in society as a whole - there are many examples of beloved famous artists around the world who have been gender variant without the murder rate against LGBTQ-people changing. In order for change to happen we need a whole lot of activism, struggles etc. etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Skillnaden mellan Mrs. Doubtfire eller humorsketcher med heterosexuella män i klänning och peruk och drag queen-kultur, är att inom drag queen-kulturen brukar dragandet ofta vara ett sätt att uttrycka något som är en del av ens egna identitet, varför kritiken mot drag som något politiskt subversivt (i det här fallet riktat mot Conchita Wurst) där det dras en extremt tydlig gräns mellan "rollen" som är en kvinna och "den riktiga människan" som är en CIS-MAN (begreppet som insinuerar då att den personen är lika privilegierad som Robbie Williams eller Robert Gustafsson i könsmaktssystemet, även om det ofta, men inte alltid, är en fjollbög som deltar i dragkultur) är problematisk. Eftersom svensk politisk queerkultur inte har särskilt mycket till drag queen-rörelse (eller könsöverskridande femininitet över huvud taget) är det inte så konstigt att den här typen av missförstånd och kritik kommer upp, men jag blir bara förbannad när jag läser någon krönika i nöjesguiden(...) där det i fetstilt frågas "sedan när blev dragqueens diskriminerade?". Sen JA - det är extremt upprörande att många mainstreammedier och många människoe inte kan förstå skillnaden på dragqueens och transkvinnor, men jag skulle då vilja problemfokusera på den cisheteronormativa blicken och inte på dragqueens och JA att vara transfeminin varje dag i sitt liv medför ett större stigma än att vara dragqueen på klubbar och på scen (en kan vara det oftare än så, Marsha P. Johnson definierade sig som dragqueen, även om, ja, begreppet hade en annan kontext och innebörd där och då, så var det fortfarande så hon främst identifierade sig) - jag vet det mycket väl eftersom jag är könsöverskridande femme varje dag och får mycket skit för det. Vi kan konstatera det, och vi kan förhoppningsvis också bygga allianser MELLAN olika femininiteter OCH försvara allas rätt till self-determination när det gäller kön och könsuttryck. Och jag tycker att Conchita Wurst's drag sker på ett mycket subversivt sätt (kommentarsfälten svämmas över av folk som upprörs och uttrycker sitt förakt) och är, vet jag, stärkande för många transpersoner vars skäggväxt är något som får dem att bli extra stigmatiserade och stirrade på på stan för att det sitter på vad som anses vara fel kropp eller fel könsuttryck. Avslutningsvis skulle det kunna skrivas en hel avhandling om hur ett helt folk i stort kan älska en bög, en flata, en dragqueen eller en transperson som sjunger på scén, utan att det behöver påverka föraktet i samhället i stort i någon särskilt stor utsträckning - det finns en mängd exempel på folkkära artister runt om i världen som könsöverskridit medan mordstatistiken mot qtbh-personer fortsatt stadigt. För förändring behövs oerhört mycket aktivism och kamp osv.

PS!!!!!! READ THIS ABOUT CARCERAL FEMINISM AND SEX WORK AND WHY DECRIMINALIZATION OF SEX WORK IS IMPORTANT FOR MIGRANT'S RIGHTS!!!